how dare that victim not have bulletproof flesh
how dare their body bleed out from the wound
how dare they die on the way to the hospital
those poor gunmen. their lives ahead of them in ruins because someone was inconsiderate enough to allow themselves to be shot.
you see, it doesn’t fucking work this way.
proving someone wrong after an intense argument
In college, we don’t say “I love you”, we say “I have 5 essays, two finals, and 3 group projects due in the next 8 days” which translates to “I would like to be crushed by a train” and I think that’s pretty cool.
trying to avoid someone you hate but have to come into contact with every day
if i become a drug dealer i’m gonna say to my customers ‘now put THAT in your pipe and smoke it” and we’d all laugh and then i’d call the police because drugs are fucking illegal
hello students. welcome to my math class. we will be having a class trip this year, the first ever math field trip in history. it’s to hell. here we are
a great man once said
“it’s ok having a small penis”
i was a good student until the crushing weight of reality shattered my hope for the future
nothing gets by you xbox support
Ladies I hope getting your nails done feels good because not a single man notices you got them done.
women do some things for themselves and not just for men
what a concept
do you ever hear a line in a song and it’s just so painfully clever you just sit there in shock for the remainder of the song
in middle school my friend used to give me these huge lemons to eat because they were delicious and one time i was eating one and some idiot told me he’d give me ten bucks to take a huge bite and another kid added five so i got 15 american dollar for doing what i was already doing truly this is the land of opportunity
HOW TO BE A COOL BOYFRIEND
- rip your shirt off every 10 minutes no matter where you are
- always call your significant other by their german translated name
- wear your clothes inside-out call yourself “daddy-o”